The pick-up lines that make us cringe
28 May 2018 AFROPOLITAN WOMEN
By: Natasha Archary
I remember watching “How I met your mother” religiously solely for Barney Stinson’s outrageous ploys to lure women into bed with him. His famous “Haaaave you met Ted” pick-up line has to be one of the most ridiculous wingman action plan ever. In the series it seemed to work with every beautiful woman they targetted. One has to wonder if it would work on the smart Afropolitan beauties, who are not that easy to impress.
Which got me thinking of the insane things men have said to me on occasion, usually after the confidence boosting power of a few tequilas. I cringe every time a guy approaches me, one because if I’m out with my girls and you use a cheesy line, expect to be roasted for days. And two, because mentally I have not prepared for the garbage that’s about to leave your lips.
Why men choose to use pick-up lines in the first place is beyond me. You stand a better chance of holding her attention without it gents. Afropolitan women shared some of the pick-up lines that make us cringe and we can only hope that men stop this nonsense. Your lovelife depends on it.
HORRIBLE PICK-UP LINES
“Hey, is your name Google? Because, girl you got everything I’ve been searching for.”
This is not only cheesy but it’s so far fetched, she’s never going to take you seriously. You don’t know her but you’ve already alluded to her having everything you’re looking for in a woman? So not only are you shallow but you’ve shown her that you don’t really want to get to know her for her personality. You basically look at her as just some good fun. Boy, stop!
“Your lips look lonely. Would they like to meet mine?”
There’s no way you’re serious but she’s definitely not going to be balled over with this one. Not only is it extremely forward but this doesn’t leave much room for engagement. It actually leaves you with a pretty harsh rejection probability of 100%. The chances of her saying, “yes they would” are zero so not only are you headed on a one way trip to Mount Doom but she’s also highly likely to call security to get you away from her pronto. Creep!
“Damn girl you must be jelly ‘cause jam don’t jiggle like that!”
And cue knee to the groin. This is not only insensitive but it makes you come across as a major perv. Unless you’re Deadpool, you’re not going to get away with the pain that awaits you with this line. If you’re lucky, she just walks away, if she’s with her girls, expect multiple knees to the groin.
“Do you like sleeping? (*pause*) Me too, we should do it together sometime.”
Again, this lets her know you’re just looking for some no-strings-attached fun. A woman is not going to be impressed by your childish antics. Yes, we love a man with a sense of humour but we hate corny jokes. This one doesn’t even deserve a reaction, it’s that lame. She’s just going to ignore you’re standing there and continue sipping her margarita.
“I love my heartbeats. So could you stop walking by, because every time you do, girl my heart skips a beat.”
This one is a little more forgiving. It shows that you have some vulnerability and aren’t afraid to express yourself. But it’s still cheesy enough to make us cringe ever so slightly. It all comes down to the fact that you don’t know her well enough to be this flustered. Modern day women don’t fit the stereotype of pop culture from the 90’s. It takes more than a line Ne-Yo would belt out to peak our interest.
Don’t just don’t
“Love your smile. What else does your mouth do?”
“Do you know what the Dr told me? That I’m lacking a bit of vitamin U.”
“Baby, does your dad work for Al-Qaeda? Because, you’re the bomb!” (This one is just insensitive)
“Hey girl feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Yup boyfriend material!”
“If you were a transformer, you would be a Hot-O-Bot and your name would be Optimus Fine!”
Gents, there’s no need to throw these horrid lines our way, keep it classy and simple. When in doubt, try “I’ve been working up the nerve to give you my number.”
This way you don’t come across as a sleeze-ball and it gives her an indication that you don’t mind giving her the reigns.
Afropolitan men, which pick-up lines have you used and did they work? Ladies, share the worst pick-up line ever used. Tweet us @kayafm95dot using #KayaOnline