The effects your parenting style has on your child
23 May 2019 FAMILY
By: Natasha Archary
When it comes to parenting and our ability to raise our children, every parent has their own insecurities. This is why parent shaming is such detrimental behavior to exude.
There are four parenting styles and we’ll break down each one to help you identify the type of parent you are and how this impacts your child’s overall development. We’ll also touch briefly on conscious parenting and what this “new age” way of raising children can mean for both parent and child.
It’s easier to see a child’s physical growth and development than to know if you’re doing enough to build their self-esteem. And this is the thing about parenting, is that you never know how you’re doing.
It’s only when your child is at the age where they are able to communicate their feelings that you truly understand how they perceive you. Are you too strict? Too lenient? Confident? Passive? And what will each parenting style mean for the type of child you are raising?
Development psychologists have been really invested in parenting styles and cause and effect links between specific parent actions and a child’s later behavior. Falling short mostly because parenting is far from scientific.
Let’s break it down
To give you an idea, a child who watches violent cartoons may be psychologically unaffected by the messaging and could be completely empathetic. On the other hand, a child who is restricted from watching such sadistic content may actually be masking a really violent personality.
And this isn’t because of the content they are consuming but because of how they are raised. In other words what are the parents or care-givers methods of communication?
Yelling at a child forces them into flight or fight mode. Their immediate reaction is to either defend themselves or be afraid. As a parent you think it’s actually enforcing a rule by raising your voice but it does little to get a child to listen.
The four parenting styles
These are based on a 1960’s study by psychologist Diana Baumrind, where more than one hundred pre-school children and their parents were observed and interviewed. The findings formed the foundation of parenting analysis which child development experts still use today.
Taking into consideration communication styles, discipline strategies and implementation and various other criteria, Baumrind suggested parents displayed three prominent parenting styles. Later research by Maccoby and Martin, attributed a fourth parenting style.
They are as follows:
They are parents who believe children should be seen and not heard. They focus on obedience, punishment and take a ‘my way or the highway’ approach with their methods. They dictate and never take the child’s feelings into consideration.
If one of these sounds familiar, you’re an authoritarian parent:
“No. Because I said so that’s why.”
“That’s it. We’re not discussing this any further.”
“Well I’m the parent, not you.”
The authoritarian also emphasizes punishment instead of reinforcing positive behavior. They may also become hostile or lose their temper when they’re parenting decisions are questioned or the child continues the behavior they deem unacceptable.
How authoritarian parenting affects the child
Growing up with an authoritarian parent means the possibility the child will develop a low self-esteem are high. This is due to their opinions not being valued and their feelings not being validated.
Remember, you’re raising little human beings capable of making their own decisions, forming their own opinions and with personalities all their own. Quieting their voice when they are learning who they are does nothing for their enthusiasm and confidence.
These are parents who put a lot of effort into creating a positive environment for their children. In order to maintain a strong connection with their child, they explain their decisions, rules and what is expected. Before a decision is made, they usually check with child to make sure he or she is comfortable with the plan.
“Mom’s thinking about grabbing a pizza for dinner on the way home, would you like that?”
It may sound like too much admin but research shows that children who grow up with authoritative parents are more likely to become adults who feel confident to express their opinions.
How does this affect the child?
Children are disciplined but this doesn’t involve a spanking or being shouted at. So, it could mean discipline is more a compromise than a punishment.
“Do you understand what you did wrong?”
“Do you agree that hurting your brother is not okay?”
Discipline with an authoritative parent usually involves taking away something the child loves for a period of time. Which would probably be the wi-fi being switched off for a few hours.
This teaches the child emotional intelligence and that there are consequences in life. The good and bad lessons parents try to create distinguishing barriers around when it comes to our kids. Because we all want to raise good people.
You set rules but never enforce them. You give in to your children often. Some may even call it, allowing your children to call the shots. If they want something you can’t bring yourself to say no.
If you are a permissive parent you are simply creating an environment that has no boundaries for your child. They will push and pull you whichever way they want because they know your weaknesses. You give in and are okay to have them get their way.
How this affects the child?
Where do we start? Children grow up to be spoiled and entitled. They feel the world owes them and they don’t need to put in any effort to succeed in life. Because mommy and daddy are there to pick up after them.
Children come across as rude and unfiltered because as a parent you are not instilling positive values and morals and kids will lack the basic human quality, respect.
You’re always busy. You have meetings that run over or are on the phone when you’re supposed to be with your child. Or you’re a single parent raising these adorable babies on your own with no involvement by the biological significant other.
You could be present but don’t interact with your child in any way. As long as their preoccupied with the latest kiddie’s movie or have the software on their smart devices updated, you’re relieved of parenting duties, right?
How this affects your child?
Your child grows up feeling neglected. Like they didn’t matter to you. Because they feel so detached from you emotionally and even physically.
They aren’t being treated as a priority and grow up with little guidance, structure, rules, love and affection. Your child withdraws and will struggle to find friends and later in life will not understand what it means to love and be loved.
Far too many children today grow up in homes with parents who simply do not care enough to put the child’s needs above their own selfishness.
There are limitations with each parenting style however and more parents are finding conscious parenting to be more effective in raising children who are confident, emotionally aware and independent.
We will bring you more about this way of parenting in another article soon.