Ssshhh: Cinema etiquette
28 Feb 2018 KAYA VOICES
By: Natasha Archary
I’m probably the worst person in the world to watch a movie with, not because I’m distruptive, I’m actually the total opposite. If I’m going to the cinema to watch a movie, instead of streaming it from the comfort of my lounge, it’s because I really want to watch the movie I chose.
Don’t you want the full cinematic experience, 3D or not, the smell of popcorn, the dark attraction of the theatre, surround sound and, preferably, complete silence?
Call me a cinema snob but don’t, just don’t try to have a whispered conversation with me during a movie. So a movie date with me would probably not be such a good idea, sorry guys, but I take my movie time seriously, which is why I stick to Innovative Dating: Xtreme Indoor Karting / Innovative Dating: Hot Air Balloon Safari.
I refuse to believe I’m the only one who feels this way though. Don’t you hate it when people talk during the trailers? Or check their phones during the movie? Doesn’t it drive you crazy when your neighbour sits there, loudly chomping on popcorn, slurping and sloshing his slushy?
If you’re like me and hate confrontation, you probably just sit there, blankly staring at the person, in hopes that you can will them to stop being so annoying telepathically. I know I do.
I miss the days when people respected the cinema more than their smartphones. The days when ushers would remove noisy patrons and stop people from walking in and out of the theatre during a movie.
I waited with bated breath to watch Marvel’s Black Panther. I missed the media screening and that was probably the worst day of my life. Dramatic? Perhaps, but if you knew how much I looked forward to this movie, you would understand. I’ve followed the entire Marvel universe since inception, and when Black Panther was introduced to fans in Captain America: Civil War, I literally started my countdown clock for the Black Panther origin story.
Imagine my disappointment when this blockbuster movie was marred by people who were ignorant of how their behaviour was interrupting Princess Shuri’s witty retorts. Is it too much to ask that cellphones be switched off for the duration of the movie? Surely, that’s why we go to the cinema, to loosen the technological handcuffs around our wrists.
I’m all for couples expressing their love in public but if you’re looking to get frisky in the cinema, whilst this paying patron is there to watch a movie, you can be sure that I will go speak to management and politely ask them to get said couple a room.
Another pet peeve of mine, are parents who take their underage children to watch movies that have age restrictions. Yes, it’s a superhero movie, but it’s rated PG – 13 due to prolonged action sequences and fight scenes. Characters are slashed and impaled with spears, shot with extreme weapons and there are intense amounts of blood.
It’s one of Marvel’s most realistic movies with the larger than life fights and it’s inappropriate for children younger than thirteen to be exposed to it. As a parent myself, I understand how these superhero characters are huge to our children but there is no way I’d ever allow a seven-year-old to watch Black Panther, or any action movie for that matter. Underaged children also tend to be really distruptive during a movie they are too young to understand. So don’t do it or I will use my telekinesis on you.
I will have to watch Black Panther again, to thoroughly enjoy the movie of the year (in my books). I’ll wait for the hype to die down and for a semi-empty cinema, so I may sit down and take in the movie the way it should be…in silent awe.
What are your cinema etiquette rules? Share them with us using the hashtag #KayaOnline