“Phubbing”, “Oversharing” and other smartphone relationship issues
12 Oct 2018 LIFESTYLE
By Zuko Komisa
Relationships are not the same way they used to be. Every year, new phenomena and terms are being coined explaining this new world of the digital age.
The introduction of the smartphone has completely changed the dynamics of relationships, how we interact and what the expectations are from both partners has drastically shifted.
On urban dictionary, it’s defined as snubbing someone in favor of your mobile phone (Phone + Snubbing), this is one of the most common mistakes made by couples all the time, prioritising their feed over the person yearning for their attention.
It happens so subtly these days, one moment you are catching up on your day and how you are feeling and then boom, your partner whips out their phone. It is the common error that detaches couple from living in the moment, scouring for connection in a virtual world.
Ways to stop this behavior:
- Don’t let your phone interrupt your life, make people around aware of this at all times.
- Have strict rules when around people, no phones during dinner, catch-ups or deep conversations. Put it away, avoid having it on your hand or the table, be present.
- Work on your attention span in conversations, commit to listening to your partner with no distractions.
This is another big one, in the digital age today a relationship doesn’t exist if it’s not posted online. There is nothing as unhealthy as fishing for likes and validation about who you are sleeping with:
Where you hang out, what you are doing on holiday, how they look when they wake up.
All these are excellent at inviting unnecessary energy to your love life. There is nothing wrong with posting fun moment in your life with your partner, but the obsession of every detail of your relationship has seen many have to delete the photo after the honeymoon phase had ended. Sharing is ok, oversharing is a big no, no.
How to stop oversharing:
- Set boundaries with your partner, decide what your comfort levels are and share accordingly.
- Determine what experiences are just for you two to keep locked in your memory back or phone gallery.
- Be fine with your relationship being your relationship and not for high school stalkers and internet trolls.
The attachment people have to their phones and the thrill of going to a certain forbidden place on these devices affects many parts of thier well-being, self-esteem and mental health. It may result in uncontrollable obsessions. You always have to be mindful of the power of your device when you are in a relationship. The reality is, if you transgress and get caught every detail of you hidden life online activity will b seen in real-time by your partner.
Other common mistakes couples make on the internet.
- Spending hours going through your exes’ photos you never got over.
- Having inappropriate conversations with people outside your relationship.
- Forgetting to delete your browsing history, and not realising that your partner will one day go through everything the day you make them feel insecure.
- Not deleting deleted items on the cloud.
Treading with care on these online streets will save you from many hours of arguments, resentment, and stress. Share with us your own experiences with your smartphone @kayafm95dot9