Makoti & Mkhwenyana: Navigating your way through marriage
18 Oct 2018 FAMILY
By Motlagae Konyana
It’s wedding season and, once again, it’s going to look like everyone you know is getting married! Instagram is filled with amazing optics of couples celebrating their love and nuptials. Getting married is a life-changing, big milestone for both parties however, things shouldn’t change significantly when you move from being each other’s bae to being husband and wife.
Entering into marriage does change things a little in the relationship but these changes should be just the titles and how you will be addressed by others in official situations unless you will still be addressed using your name. Most of the groundwork of your relationship would have been laid out when you two were dating.
Also Read: Understanding Laws governing family homes
Marriage is a decision
Change is inevitable in a relationship because the two of you develop, learn about each other and about yourselves as you interact with each other. Being married a decision that is taken by a couple and this decision is also taken by the individuals who make up the couple. This decision is an important guideline and basis of the ground rules that include roles and responsibilities that a couple chooses to follow to make their relationship work for them. Just as relationships are not identical, your marriage will not be the same as that of your friends or your moms.
Being Makoti and Umkhwenyana
A lot of women have heard horror stories about the Mother-In-Law and watched the movie with Jane Fonda and JLo “Monster-In-Law.” Some of these stories are true but these experiences are not necessarily what you will go through or experience – remember different relationships go through different situations. Dealing with your in-laws can be intimidating because they are outside of the relationship dynamics that are only understood by you and your partner.
While your umkhwenyana may be okay with you being a top microwave chef and enjoy your meals, his family might be less charmed by it. There’s nothing wrong with respecting the in-laws with small behaviors like wearing a doek at their home – let them be the ones to tell you to not wear it. The same with not wearing pants. Again, different families have different values and traditions.
The good partner
We all yearn to be a great partner to our partners. Just remember that each partner comes with their families into your life. What does being a great partner mean though? Actually mean? Being a good husband or wife can mean different things to different couples. For some, it means being a submissive woman who cooks and cleans. It could also mean a husband who stays at home and take care of the household (stay at home dad).. Ensure that you understand what it means for both of you.
Attending premarital counseling before getting married can help you avoid surprise expectations. Ensure that you are getting married for the right reasons and also ensure that you are marrying someone that you want to lead a life with. If your partner is not doing certain things that you want in a relationship, don’t assume that once you are married they will do those things.